If there really is an other side, what is to prevent it from leaking through, penetrating the present, seeping in at the most unexpected moments? I believe I have returned to the world, but there is no certainty. I discover through the medium of the desktop a portal back to the Underworld in search of what I left behind, to reconnect the past.

Am I a prisoner of the world I have created?

Is my return to the real now at best an illusion of reality, which is why nothing appears real? The return to the studio seems at best fictional, once you’ve entered the darkness there is no turning back (“the abyss from which there is no return”). The re-entry isn’t what it seems, or perhaps you could say the layers of illusion are stripped away to reveal there is nothing beneath the illusion. So you just hang on for the ride. You dress up the darkness as best you can. Make it entertaining. You build an elaborate facade of pleasure, play, action, people, imagery, sound, rhythm, energy. But no matter how hard you try the other side begins to leak right through the facade, and takes hold of you: hypnotic, seductive.

I can play this game, I can master these alchemical tricks of the machine. I will create something monumental!